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I wish I could give you Aegis bracelets, an invisible plane, and a Lasso of Truth because of all the super toys in the world, those make the most sense.

I wish you had been born on a magical island of Amazonian warrior princesses and had the gift of infinite knowledge and compassion.

But what I’ve got to give you is this:

You don’t need Aegis bracelets or a Lasso of Truth but you might need a secret identity.  (Invisible planes are just for show-offs.) All super women do.  It’s infinitely more difficult to fight the Axis of Evil with a baby on your hip, so you have to know when to be Diana Prince and when to be Wonder Woman.  Fighting the Axis of Evil is easy.  It’s knowing when to change between DP and WW that’s hard.  It’s also pretty tempting to want to stay Wonder Woman all the time and just trash Diana Prince altogether.  But that’s not as good as it sounds.  You’re going to have to go to the grocery store twice because you forgot something.  You’re going to have dried out cuticles from doing dishes.  You’re going to have wash your clothes in the sink once or twice.  You’re going to be bored and do something stupid.  You’re going to be mad and do something stupid too.  You’re going to sneeze/laugh/cough and pee your pants too.  That’s never happened to Wonder Woman, but I’ll bet it’s happened to Diana Prince.   It’s really hard to wrap your head around Wonder Woman locked in the office bathroom crying because she is just mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted, but it happens, and that’s what Diana Prince is for.  Diana Prince will protect you and serve you just as well as Wonder Woman will, but she does it differently.  Wonder Woman is not going to make a mistake and have to come clean about it to her boss, but Diana Prince might, and you might too.  Wonder Woman can’t teach you how to admit your mistakes with dignity, but Diana Prince can.  Wonder Woman can’t teach you how to keep your self-esteem when you feel awkward and uncomfortable because your period came early, or because you stuck your foot in your mouth at a party, or because you told a lie, but Diana Prince can.  I’ve really beat myself up for letting you see my Diana Prince sometimes.  Somewhere I guess I decided motherhood was all Wonder Woman’s job, but it’s not.  Me trying to be Wonder Woman and failing all the time must have given you an unrealistic picture of what being an adult woman is supposed to be.  Diana Prince is more important than Wonder Woman because on a daily basis, Wonder Woman can’t function in normal society without Diana Prince.  Seriously, she’d get arrested waltzing around the grocery store in those underwear.  Sometimes one superhero is not enough.  Sometimes Wonder Woman needs the whole Justice League to fight evil, and that’s okay too because that’s what the Justice League is for.  It’s for those problems that are too big for one superhero.  You need to comb your Universe, as Diana Prince, looking for those super colleagues because they’re out there, hiding in their secret identities, looking for you too.  So, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you Aegis bracelets or a Lasso of Truth.  I’m sorry we’re not from Paradise Island.  If those things were here for me to give you, you can bet your ass you’d have them.  Diana Prince pays the bills, in every sense, and makes everything that Wonder Woman is and does possible.  Wonder Woman is the fun part.  Diana Prince is the backbone part.  Don’t be embarrassed to be in your secret identity!  Okay? They’re both perfect just the way they are.

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