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Nothing says first world problem resolution better than my Savinelli 601 and some Dunhill tobacco.

20150402_144254-1How did I problem-solve before this beauty came into my life?  Apparently, I was just running through my whole life like a chicken in full headless mode.  Don’t let the name of the tobacco fool you; it’s good at any time of day.  I don’t quite have the experience to master pipe smoking before or during the first cup of coffee in the morning, so I honestly don’t know.

Maybe sparkles come out of the pipe if you smoke this tobacco early in the morning. 

Rest assured.  I will write about it if that happens!  Just holding the Savinelli makes me feel better, my blood pressure drops, and the wrinkles in my mind start to smooth out.  I was going to say the wrinkles in my brain, but those are kind of important, so that metaphor won’t work too well.  I don’t like writing about my Angry White Girl Problems for a number of reasons.

Reason #1  I’m a white girl, so my experience with “problems” is a bit sketchy, and when I whine, even angrily, I still sound like a little bitch.  I hate comparing pain with people, but people seem to really enjoy doing that with each other.

Reason #2  It keeps me in the problem.  It sometimes feels like I am picking out wallpaper and knick-knacks when I go on and on about whatever it is that I’m angry about.

Reason #3  It comes across like I need a pat on the back for overcoming my horrendous white girl problems, which I don’t.

Believe me, though, I am an Angry White Girl.  Until I pick up that smooth, sleek, shiny Savinelli.

Problems?  What problems?  I have a pipe; I don’t have any problems.

You know who had problems?  Pirates had problems.  No running water indoors, no job security, no relationship security, no retirement plan, no steak.  What?!  Well, I’m sure there are people somewhere who don’t cringe at the thought of fresh seafood every day.  Not me.  Has anyone ever wondered why one of the world’s best banking systems is located in a region which was mostly developed by pirates?  And I don’t even like to think about filthy sex.  Not the kind everybody does but nobody talks about, but literally have-not-had-a-bath-in-a-month sex.  Ew.  Like Walking Dead Darryl filthy.  I don’t care, ladies, Norman Reedus or not, without a bath in a month, there will be no nookie.  I’m a Virgo, and there will be showers.  Another problem pirates had was the never-changing wardrobe.  I mean how many days in a row are you going to wear that seventeenth-century poets’ shirt?  And we’re back to cleanliness.  It’s a hot shirt, for sure, right off the washboard though. Perpetually chapped lips are a problem too.  Did they have Chapstick in the 1700s?  Would regular candle wax actually help with that, or would it make it worse?  This is a problem with no easy solution.  Chapped lips are bad.  They hurt.  They bleed.  They’re unattractive.  Smoking a pipe won’t solve all the world’s problems, and that’s why we have Chapstick!!  Thank goodness for Chapstick!

Well, I have my RainX windshield repair to heal the fracture in my little windshield.  I have navigated my way around my updated OS on my phone.  I have watched my aggravation go up in smoke, the legal kind, and I’m looking forward to a night out with Big Daddy.  Life is surely good, even if it is the first world.  Life really is absurd whether you roll with it or not.  There’s not a lot of rhyme or reason to much of what we go through every day.  It’s more fun to smoke a pipe and talk about pirates.  I like pirates.

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